Today I awoke. I was happy. We were having the annual Christmas party. The theme was "Tacky Christmas". I had never participated in such and I was jazzed about it. I put on a dark green velvet skirt ($3 at the Thrift Store), 2 pairs of tacky earrings, a gaudy necklace, Christmas socks, heels, ugly Christmas shirt, super ugly Snowman headband that blinks and I found some disgusting green eyeshadow. I look like a hot mess. I was thrilled. I drive up, no one is there but Anna. She looks hilarious! She was scared that we lied and told her to dress up and like, then we wouldn't. (We do play tricks on each other, we have to, property management makes you want to slit your wrists and lie in a tub of hot water)...
We are all laughing at the outfits and having a ball. I go home to fetch the greenbean casserole and pumpkin pies. I am running a little bit late, speeding just a bit & then the blue light special pulls up behind me. Call the gals and tell them I am going to be a little later than planned. Cop asks me why I was speeding. I told him, like, if he couldn't tell, that I am running late for my work's Xmas party. He informs me that I was clocked at 72 (I was in a 45). I ask him if he is going to take my license away from me. Now the whole time he is looking at me like I escaped from the funny farm. He takes my license, insurance card and asks for my registration. I had no idea what the freaking car registration was. Turns out, it is the car tag receipt. Somehow, it was in my glovebox. He is not attractive and obviously is lacking in the humor department. Comes back with a ticket. I told him, "Thanks and Merry Christmas!" (Bastard - God! I wanted to say that!!)
Get to the party. It is the usual ruckus that I expected with these fools! Dirty Santa was freaking great. We are real ruthless, I love it! Pack it all up and I head to the office. My car has been below the "E". The car starts to spit and sputter. OH SHIT! I am running out of gas! I barely make it through the red light, the car stalls and I coast in to the pump. Woooo!
Trying to be quick about it because I am dressed like the Christmas Clown. I lock my keys in the car. Yes, my purse and phones are in there too.. I go into the convenience store and use the Asian guy's phone (whom can barely speak English). I call work, which, is just a stone's throw from the gas station. I tell Ky to call the Locksmith and have someone come to get me. I am standing by my car, for what feels like an eternity. People are honking and yelling at me, the Christmas Clown. I don't embarrass easily, I - could - have - died!!! Finally, I walk to the office. A lady stopped in the middle of the road so she and her teenage kid could get a good look and laugh their asses off. GREATTT!! My feet are broken, I believe. I climb up the stairs again & get in the office and Ky tells me that she keeps trying to call Anna and can't get her. Jamie, the locksmith, is out of state. I go to my office, sit down to chill & start laughing like a crazy person. What else can I do at this point!?! I call KNY and he knows where a spare key is, THANK GOD!
I am waiting out front for him to pick me up with the key. I wait, wait and wait... I go back upstairs, in the torturous devices called heels and Ky hands me the phone. KNY is out back of the building waiting on me. He is not a happy camper and is not being very nice. Ok, so now I am pissed. He fusses the whole way to the gas station. I get out, say nothing, and get in my car.
The whole office now knows the "Christie Saga" and give me complete hell when I arrive. I have taken photos to document my day.. Feliz Navidad!
The green eyeshadow is lovely!
Anna, myself and Vikki
Just gotta love the socks
P.S. Left work after blogging. I came extemelyyyy close to falling down the stairs at work. My heel caught the huge green skirt. I finally make it home and realize that, at 2:30 (time of key fiasco), I had a hair appointment....
